Right at the place we met,

Dear Diary,

The calendar says 31st January, 50.25 and that's the end. I couldn't fall asleep despite catching a mere 3 hours sleep after returning this morning at 5.55am. I remembered the time so clearly because I was staring at the digital clock on my mobile. I don't feel a tinge of excitement now that the exams are over, minus the fact that I'm allowed to no longer hid inside my room to mug without guilt. It's that something that is missing- the genuine mood of wanting to let your hair down to explore the greatest fun possible. I hate the pretense as always, for actions to shield myself from acting like an idiot, for having thoughts of silly wishes to salvage the least, for trying to engage myself in some sort of life cos I feel I need to, for behaving in certain ways to hold that destroyed-good image, for acting as thou I'm happily enjoying living when it's otherwise and most imptly, for not being my true self.

I have no idea why, but they have been haunting me since the day breaks' session. Seriously, I am entitled to know the reason behind everything, why not? But I've never thought bout that since it's a tainted glass anyway. Then will be just another day for me, but it's getting a little off track right down, especially as the day crawls nearer. Sometimes I couldn't believe the things I did, so dumb till I feel ashamed of admitted it. Oh, this wouldn't stop just right here, I know myself too well damn. Perhaps after 270, the heart still throbs.

You know what? I've just wasted one wish of 2008, knowing it won't come true no matter what. I contradict myself so much. Goodness, none of that was what I wanted in the first place. Why bother? Relive life, girl.

Yours truely,
10.32pm